A nap is a refresher. A nap is sometimes what we need to revive ourselves. For some odd reason I do not take advantage of the few times I have the chance to nap. I feel as if they are a tease, especially when I am forced to awaken from them. What really bothers me, is that it is easier to close my eyes and dose off into a dream world when I nap but when it's time to sleep my eyes are wide open like that of an owl. I am not a nocturnal creature. I do end up falling asleep at night, even if it takes the restless mind hours to shut down. Shut down, that's what I want to do right now. Hopefully I can have an early night. An early night leads to an early morning. An early morning leads to a useful day. A useful day leads to a tired me. A tired me leads me back to where I am now. Sleep deprived. I guess this is why they tell you to get as much rest before the baby comes.
Some mothers are lucky because their babies have a sleeping schedule. I do not know what I did wrong. I think he gets it from me. Not napping because of fear that you might miss something. A funny moment, a phone call, a knock on the door, or a solar eclipse.
When an hour passes and nothing has happened you regret not taking that nap. Now, both my son and I, are grumpy and restless. We should probably take a nap.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Battlefield
It is only normal to want to escape the life you are living sometimes. This doesn't mean you love the ones in it any less. I wouldn't change the series of events that happened because they led me to a life of happiness. On the other hand, I need some me time. I need to be alone and regroup some thoughts. All my life I battled the inner me, but the difference is that I had time to sit there and battle. Now, while I am in the middle of a battle I get interrupted with a diaper change or a feeding or a meal preparation. To go back to that battle is nearly impossible because you forget where you left off or a new battle begins.
Here is my battle. I stopped feeling as if I wasn't challenging myself as an individual. I keep myself pretty busy and content with how I spend my free time. It's when my free time is over that I feel down for a split second. I want to determine when it's over. My great ideas come from these moments of battle. I am sure every parent or at least every new parent feels this way. It takes some adjusting and I am adjusting slowly. The funny part is the very few times I am away from my baby boy I can't stop thinking about getting back to him.
What do you know, my free time is over. He awakens from his 45 min nap and again I wasn't done thinking. The life!
Here is my battle. I stopped feeling as if I wasn't challenging myself as an individual. I keep myself pretty busy and content with how I spend my free time. It's when my free time is over that I feel down for a split second. I want to determine when it's over. My great ideas come from these moments of battle. I am sure every parent or at least every new parent feels this way. It takes some adjusting and I am adjusting slowly. The funny part is the very few times I am away from my baby boy I can't stop thinking about getting back to him.
What do you know, my free time is over. He awakens from his 45 min nap and again I wasn't done thinking. The life!
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Who are you?
I am a woman. I am graceful and loving. I protect those that are closest to me. Yes I can be over protective at times, but that shows how much I love you. I am independent and that does not mean that I don't lean on my husband sometimes; that means I am an individual. I do not follow anyone's lead but my own. I will never settle. I like change, however I do fear the thought of it. I am impatient but I know how to wait for something good. I hate being wrong, but I will admit when I am. I accept who I once was, who I am, and who I am destined to become.
Never let anyone tell you who you are for you only know who you are. If you do not like it, change it but do not complain if you do not try. Feeling good about who you are is one of the keys to happiness. Know that you can change a life but you cannot change the life of someone who doesn't want to know change. If you do not like to smile then don't smile. If you love to laugh then laugh away. "Misery loves company" but not my company. Are you it's company?
Never let anyone tell you who you are for you only know who you are. If you do not like it, change it but do not complain if you do not try. Feeling good about who you are is one of the keys to happiness. Know that you can change a life but you cannot change the life of someone who doesn't want to know change. If you do not like to smile then don't smile. If you love to laugh then laugh away. "Misery loves company" but not my company. Are you it's company?
My Addiction
I think about you all day. When can I have another taste? I go to bed excited for the next day, everyday. You are my fix. I used to spend over $100 dollars on you a week and now I just spend $4 every other week. When I became pregnant it was so hard to let you go. Until, I read I can have a little of you everyday. I felt like it was my birthday and it was the best news I have ever heard. Now, I am breastfeeding and still cannot consume as much as I want, but this program ends on July 15, a remarkable date. For now, I will continue to savor every drip of this morning cup. MMMM nothing like a home brewed pot of coffee to jump start my day.
I don't know when my addiction began, but I know it runs in my family. My mother consumes 3-5 cups of coffee a day. I used to consume 3-4 cups a day. In high school, I used to go on Dunkin runs with my best friend Laura and the only way I could go without having to hear my mother complain was if I told her I'd bring her one back. I used to be known at all 3 Dunkin Donut locations that were in my reach. Two were by my house and one by my job. It was like I lived in heaven.
Recently, I moved to Norfolk, Virginia and to my surprise THERE WAS NO DUNKIN! I thought "America Runs on Dunkin", but apparently they didn't get the memo out here. It was already hard for me to be away from my family and now I had to deal without my second home. One nightmare after another, but this was not going to stop me and my addiction. Thank God for coffee makers. Now, I have a new best friend, Mr. Coffee. Every morning without fail I set him up with the essentials, turn him on, and he delivers. MY ADDICTION!
I don't know when my addiction began, but I know it runs in my family. My mother consumes 3-5 cups of coffee a day. I used to consume 3-4 cups a day. In high school, I used to go on Dunkin runs with my best friend Laura and the only way I could go without having to hear my mother complain was if I told her I'd bring her one back. I used to be known at all 3 Dunkin Donut locations that were in my reach. Two were by my house and one by my job. It was like I lived in heaven.
Recently, I moved to Norfolk, Virginia and to my surprise THERE WAS NO DUNKIN! I thought "America Runs on Dunkin", but apparently they didn't get the memo out here. It was already hard for me to be away from my family and now I had to deal without my second home. One nightmare after another, but this was not going to stop me and my addiction. Thank God for coffee makers. Now, I have a new best friend, Mr. Coffee. Every morning without fail I set him up with the essentials, turn him on, and he delivers. MY ADDICTION!
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Tuition assistance
Government has officially cut the tuition assistance for military members. To be quite honest, I was banking on this tuition assistance to pursue my degree in accounting. This cut will not stop me from doing so as a military spouse and it should not stop anyone else from doing so either. I think that as a country we need to come together and get ourselves out of the hole that we are in. Politics is a very touchy subject and people will probably take offense to what follows.
The government has put forth so many incentives to joining the military and some which my husband and I take full advantage of right now. Although I do not agree with them taking this away from active duty members, I do not see the reason behind giving this benefit to the dependents. The government needs to do more for the service members, not their dependents. When you marry into the military you do it with the full understanding of your spouse's job and what can be at risk. Also, you do it for LOVE. We, as dependents, do not risk our lives everyday and most importantly do not work for the armed forces. When I was an employee for Staples they did have tuition reimbursement but it did not apply for any dependents. Granted, now you can apply for assistance as a parent but not everyone gets approved. The fact is the government did us a favor of granting us this assistance and if we get out of the hole we are in I am sure they will bring it back...or not.
The government has put forth so many incentives to joining the military and some which my husband and I take full advantage of right now. Although I do not agree with them taking this away from active duty members, I do not see the reason behind giving this benefit to the dependents. The government needs to do more for the service members, not their dependents. When you marry into the military you do it with the full understanding of your spouse's job and what can be at risk. Also, you do it for LOVE. We, as dependents, do not risk our lives everyday and most importantly do not work for the armed forces. When I was an employee for Staples they did have tuition reimbursement but it did not apply for any dependents. Granted, now you can apply for assistance as a parent but not everyone gets approved. The fact is the government did us a favor of granting us this assistance and if we get out of the hole we are in I am sure they will bring it back...or not.
He Knows
As I lay him down for a nap he knows I am in the room. He knows I have left the room. He knows I keep checking on him. He knows I cannot take it when he cries. He knows I will give in eventually. He knows it may take an hour. He knows it may take longer. He knows he is tired but he will fight it. He knows he is going to win. He WON! An hour and a half later. As I feed him some muscle milk (breast milk) he slowly closes his eyes. Now, he is in a deep sleep. I put him down to sleep and walk away. He is so gone he does not realize that I have WON.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Not Now
Crossing my fingers and hoping that I don't have to talk to you, not now at least. I have zero tolerance for bull shit so I'm not in the mood to give it. I can sit here laugh and ask questions like I care when in reality I'm just going to be thinking about what I can be spending all this wasted time doing. I wonder why I hold these grudges towards people. If there is something that you do and I strongly disagree with it, I tend to be easily annoyed by just the mention of your name. Does that make me a true Taurus? I will just say that that is what makes me ME. All this thinking and writing still does not change the fact that I do not want to talk to you right now. Maybe tomorrow or next week or next month, but I hope not until next year. Only in my dreams.
It's 2:30!
It's 2:30 and everything I wanted to do is not done. Why is that? Well, a series of things can distract you from one minute to another. I went from feeding my son breakfast to having breakfast myself...oh well who cares! Certainly not anyone reading this. The life of a mother! Nope the life of Stephanie Hardmon. Well now it's time to try to enjoy the remainder of the day. Maybe we can still go to the park and enjoy what's left of the sun, after all daylight savings time did take away an hour of my sleep.
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