It is only normal to want to escape the life you are living sometimes. This doesn't mean you love the ones in it any less. I wouldn't change the series of events that happened because they led me to a life of happiness. On the other hand, I need some me time. I need to be alone and regroup some thoughts. All my life I battled the inner me, but the difference is that I had time to sit there and battle. Now, while I am in the middle of a battle I get interrupted with a diaper change or a feeding or a meal preparation. To go back to that battle is nearly impossible because you forget where you left off or a new battle begins.
Here is my battle. I stopped feeling as if I wasn't challenging myself as an individual. I keep myself pretty busy and content with how I spend my free time. It's when my free time is over that I feel down for a split second. I want to determine when it's over. My great ideas come from these moments of battle. I am sure every parent or at least every new parent feels this way. It takes some adjusting and I am adjusting slowly. The funny part is the very few times I am away from my baby boy I can't stop thinking about getting back to him.
What do you know, my free time is over. He awakens from his 45 min nap and again I wasn't done thinking. The life!
It's been well over a decade since I was a new mother, and this battle, I'm sad to say, isn't won yet. Luckily, though, as the kids get older, they certainly can understand "I'm busy, you can tell me why Carly Rae Jepsen is awesome in five minutes", so there is that.
ReplyDeleteI guess I will be counting down the years before I can do this.
DeleteI am a mom of four children. I have felt myself slip away over the years as I have stopped or put certain things on back burnet..looking back I wish I would have found a way to incorporate thonga I love that I miss..I guess I finally figured I would just pick it all up again later in life. I play guitar and sing and write..I also love phorltography..imagine trying to write music while tending ti a three year old ..the problem I'm finding now years later is that I have lived completly through my cgildren. Now they are getting older and seems in ways I've lost who I am
ReplyDeleteIt's easy to say "it's never too late" but it must be harder to find yourself again. I hope that even if it takes all our lives, we find away back to the stuff we used to have the time for.
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